Posts Tagged ‘peeves’

Public Service Announcement

“Infer” means “deduce,” “guess,” or “conclude.”

“Imply” means “hint,” “insinuate,” or “suggest.”

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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If I were Empress of the Universe, the following things would be illegal:

* raisin bread [or raisin cookies, or, for that matter, raisins];
* using one’s turn signal to indicate only that one is old and confused, not that one is actually turning;
* public displays of affection that include grinding or other behavior more intimate than kissing;
* vandalism of mailboxes–oh, wait, that one is already illegal;
* sweetened or otherwise flavored iced tea;
* using dog sweaters in the summer [or ever, really, but in the winter it will be only a misdemeanor];
* naming one’s child after a form of precipitation;
* telling stories about things that happened when you were drunk;
* describing cute dog or kid behavior for more than 60 seconds at a time;
* criticizing my parenting unless you actually know my child or me [and yes, saying, “Where are her SHOES?” at a store counts, as does saying, “Oh, take out that silly pacifier!” to my kid];
* getting a dog and then being surprised and upset when it does something you don’t like, such as peeing;
* pink bows on otherwise unobjectionable toddler-girl clothing;
* SpongeBob [in any form–I’ve never seen the show but I don’t like to look at him];
* signing e-mails with “THX” instead of “thanks”;
* using apostrophes in plural words;
* pimples [I assume that if I am Empress of the Universe, I will no longer be required to have them];
* snakes within 100 yards of a house;
* toys that beep or say words or [capital offense] sing songs.

Thank you for your attention to this matter–I am sure that I will become Empress sometime soon and your time studying this list will have been well spent.

something that annoys me

It irritates me when Mary eats all of something, like, say, an egg, and then asks for another, and then doesn’t eat ANY of the second one.

Friday rants: measure twice, cut never

So I measured the space for our new refrigerator and measured the refrigerators at the store and checked the measurements online.

It never once occurred to me to measure the height.

They just delivered it and of course it’s 1/2″ too tall to fit under our cabinet. It’s well below the cabinet shelf, so I think we can just cut out the bottom of the facing…but come on, like I know what kind of tool to use to do that. Suggestions?

words I hate

utilize
webinar
steek

I’m sure there are hundreds but these three annoy me today.