to my students…
There are a few things that we need to discuss as this semester hurtles past. Time is flying by and your work is piling up, so here are a few tips to help you keep on top of things:
1.) When I say, “come to your conference with a research topic, a thesis statement, and a completed stasis grid,” I do not mean “come to your conference to ask me to pick a topic for you.” Surely you are interested in something. If not, why are you in college?
2.) You are in college. Please remember to put your name on your paper.
3.) By “quiz,” I mean “in-class assignment that requires you to remember and/or apply some course material.” I do not mean “in-class group work which is optional and ungraded.” Nor do I mean “something to stuff in your folder and forget about.”
4.) Extra credit is just that: extra. You do not have to do it, so if you think it’s too hard/too confusing/biased toward a liberal political agenda, don’t do it. [Oh, and p.s.: Asking for a rhetorical analysis is not biased toward a liberal agenda just because our President is a Democrat. If you want a liberal agenda, wait until next week. I’ll show you what it is.]
5.) Your handwriting sucks. Please use a utensil that actually shows on the paper and write large enough that I don’t need a magnifying glass. Gray-on-gray tiny print=you get an F.
6.) If you are late because you are hung over, please do not give me details. It is not an excused absence and I neither need nor want to know how many shots you had.
7.) It does not impress me that you once read “Old Man and the Sea.” I approve, I suppose, but this does not make me want to leap for joy and change your C to an A.
8.) Finally–and take this as a special tip from me to you, free of charge–wearing a bikini to class is not a good way to get your classmates’ attention. Especially if you’re a guy. But really, no matter what. It only makes you look dumb, because really, it’s not that warm out yet.