can I just say a few things, students?

* If you have not been concerned about your grade until now, it is too late. (Friday is the last day of class.)

* No, I cannot read your rough draft right this minute and tell you how to get an A.

* No, I cannot guarantee that if you follow all of my instructions from the last paper, you will get an A. Or, rather, I can, but only if you actually understand and apply all of the things I said, as well as fulfilling all elements of the written assignment.

* No, there is not more extra credit. You should spend your time studying for the exam.

* Yes, I am serious that missing class will affect your grade. That is why the syllabus says so. The syllabus. The document you got on the first day that outlines the whole course, which is available on the course’s web site and has been all semester, as well as being handed out on paper.

* My name is not Joann!

* Yes, I will help you refine your thesis statement. No, I will not choose your topic for you.

* Please stop smoking–you smell like a chimney and make me feel ill, plus you’re going to die young.

* No, I do not remember exactly what it was that was too broad about your thesis statement from the first paper. Do you have the paper with you? No? Do you remember your topic? No? Well, maybe you should bring the paper and come to my office hours, since I DO NOT HAVE EVERY PAPER FROM EVERY ONE OF MY 110 STUDENTS MEMORIZED!

* Yes, I can help you spell “Boleyn,” although I must say that if you can’t spell her name you probably do not know enough about her to be writing about her in a paper.

* My name is not Theresa!

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