open letter to my children

Here is some life-changing, inspirational advice that you can treasure for the rest of your lives:

* paper is not food.

* hitting your sibling’s hair counts as hitting your sibling.

* the CDs are still not yours.

* unless you are housebroken, leave your diaper on.

* it is an excellent idea to cough into your elbow instead of your hand; however, I’d prefer you not cough into MY elbow.

* my shoes do not fit you.

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