Friday rants: bumper stickers…why?

I may or may not have mentioned how much I dislike bumper stickers. I object to them on aesthetic principle. But at least some of them have sentiments I can support–you know, the simple but useful “Obama ’08” or something cool like “Joe Strummer Lives.” I guess I should support the ones that are for good causes, too, like curing breast cancer, but I’ve never understood how they’re supposed to help accomplish anything.

But around here I only see bumper stickers that I think are dumb, offensive, or annoying. And about 3/4 of the vehicles on the road have them. Why are so many of them aggressive or cloying?

Today, on my way to the gym, I saw the following [and these are just the ones I noticed]:
* Driver Carries No Cash [He’s Married!]
* I Heart My Beagle
* Support Our Troops [this one has a machine gun backdrop–I’m not anti-military, despite my opposition to our involvement in Iraq, but really? A machine gun? That’s the symbol of our “peacemaking” troops?]
* Don’t Like My Driving? 1-800-BITE-ME [which I might note is not even the right number of letters–dumbass]

All of the above were on one vehicle, by the way. Among others.

* a peeing Calvin
* three American flags across back windows of pickup trucks–which, by the way, obscure the view of the road for the person behind them
* a No Fear sticker [hello, 1992]
* Ask Me About My Church
* Honk if You Like to Get a Punch in the Face
* My Karate Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student…and Probably Has
* Cats Make Me Purr
* Jesus Saves–You Should Too
* Fly Fishers Do It In the Water

And four–count ’em, four–traveling memorials to family members gone by, including one “In Loving Memory of Papa” on a garbage truck. Seriously, what is that for? I just don’t get it.


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